major league people

surprise, surprise:  we need better parents.

Thomas Friedman reminds the obvious – and hence, often forgotten:   whatever problems the educational system faces (he speaks of the U.S. but let me extend), and however long we debate for a rethink and reforms, or commemorate what schools were “before”, more often than not, it is parents that make the difference.

i am not sure if we needed a study to show that

“monitoring homework; making sure children get to school; rewarding their efforts and talking up the idea of going to college. These parent actions are linked to better attendance, grades, test scores, and preparation for college”.

heck,

“just asking your child how was their school day and showing genuine interest in the learning that they are doing can have the same impact as hours of private tutoring. It is something every parent can do, no matter what their education level or social background.”

so Mr. Friedman concludes that

“better parents can make every teacher more effective”.

i dont think anyone would disagree.  then what’s missing?

my guess:  practice.   parents knowing and practicing it.

Никто не способен убить в человеке так много устремлений и мечтаний, как его родители. (En:  No one is capable of killing that many of one’s aspirations and dreams, as his parents),

says Spike Lee in Russian Esquire, and he can’t be more right.

there’s a movie out now, The Help (and don’t be mislead by a chick-flick-like trailer, it is a simple, life-affirming,  warm and emotional story i genuinely enjoyed) which has 2 scenes, seemingly unimportant, that speak to the same idea.

“you is kind, you is smart, you is important”,

was a simple, powerful mantra that a black nanny was telling  daily to a white little girl, lovingly looking her in the eyes.

“i am kind, i am smart, i am important”,

the girl slowly repeated, thoroughly articulating every word.

i was whispering this to myself, long after i came out of the cinema:

“you is kind, you is smart, you is important.”

seriously, how many kids are lucky enough to have someone convince them of that, on a daily basis?  how many are truly encouraged by example and right kind of involvement by the “better” parents to grow them into “better” (best!) them?

in an interview to Monocle, Alexandr Lebedev points out that leadership

“is a combination of your character, your upbringing and the skills you learn from your personal experience. that is, by committing mistakes.”

as i grow older and collect my own scars, i can’t agree more on the experience part;   and yet i notice more and more in the people i meet and work and communicate with, “your character and upbringing” (those given by your family first and foremost), makes it or breaks it.

a couple of weeks ago there was a fantastic article in NYT on coaching.   i shared it with a Client, noting that while it starts from the U.S. reality, again, where

“the big problem is that youth sports has come to emulate the win-at-all-costs ethos of professional sports. While youth and professional sports look alike, adults often forget that they are fundamentally different enterprises. Professional sports is an entertainment business. Youth sports is supposed to be about education and human development.”,

it builds to the idea that

“youth sports is about giving young athletes a positive, character-building experience ― not to become major league athletes, but to become “major league people.”

i loved that, “major league people”.

continuing this logic, there’s a very reasonable appeal to

“encourage parents to let go of winning and concentrate on life lessons.  [because] there are only two groups of people whose job is to win games. Coaches and players. Parents have a much more important job: to guide their child’s character development.”

i am not yet a parent, but all that resonated so strong.  and i very much wanted to save these thoughts, if even for myself, to never forget.  and when the time comes, eventually, practice, practice, practice:

“you is kind, you is smart, you is important”.